Gender and sexuality are things we all force upon our children, as society and as parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If our child is born with a penis, for example, the doctor tells us it\u2019s a boy. We believe that doctor and raise that child as a boy. We assign him gendered pronouns and give him a gendered name. We envision him growing into a man one day. We dream of him falling in love with a woman and providing us with grandchildren one day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
But we never imagine him being gay. Not until he comes out to us or his behaviour makes us think he\u2019s not straight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Likewise, we never imagine him as a girl. Not until he comes out to us or his behaviour make us think he\u2019s not cis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And it\u2019s the same with our daughters. We assume they\u2019re straight and cis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The doctor never says, \u201cYou\u2019re child is neither a boy nor a girl. They\u2019re somewhere in between, or both at the same time.\u201d So we don\u2019t either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We see queerness as the other. No matter how many rainbow pins we wear or pride parades we attend, we will always see queerness as the exception to\u2014even an abomination of\u2014the norm. If we truly see queerness as normal, then why do we assign cisgender and heterosexual identities to our children by default when they\u2019re born?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s why we\u2019re shocked when our children come out to us. Why we cry when they reveal their true selves. Why we question everything we\u2019ve said or done that may have ignorantly worsened their mental health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anti queerness is not just a problem found only in churches. Our society, and even our own families, are built on a foundation of homophobia and transphobia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n