{"id":3262,"date":"2016-09-16T11:36:29","date_gmt":"2016-09-16T18:36:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/?p=3262"},"modified":"2016-09-16T11:36:29","modified_gmt":"2016-09-16T18:36:29","slug":"my-friends-are-leaving-the-church-and-it-makes-me-sad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/2016\/09\/16\/my-friends-are-leaving-the-church-and-it-makes-me-sad\/","title":{"rendered":"My friends are leaving the church, and it makes me sad"},"content":{"rendered":"

I just listened to a podcast of a friend of mine discussing some of her life in the LDS church. Towards the end, she mentioned that she stopped attending church. This on the heels of several other friends of mine cutting ties this year with the church.<\/p>\n

And it makes me sad.<\/strong><\/p>\n


\nBut not sad for why you might think. I\u2019m not worried about their eternal salvation or their lost blessings.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sad because it deepens the friction of my own struggles. Sad because it widens the chasm between where I am and where I want to be, between my morality and my spirituality. Sad because it makes the hill I\u2019m trying to climb steeper and higher. Sad because it strangles my hope.<\/p>\n

I think people assume that since I decided to stay in the church after last November\u2019s debacle<\/a> that I have somehow reconciled myself with everything, and that I had smoothed out all the wrinkles and healed all the wounds. But that is not true at all. Not even close.<\/p>\n

My faith crisis never went away.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I still struggle. Every day. I still struggle to know what I want to do. I still struggle to know where I want to be. I still struggle to know\u00a0who I am.<\/p>\n

And nothing I\u2019ve tried fixes it. Certainly none of the typical Mormon advice.<\/p>\n

Prayer doesn\u2019t work.<\/strong> I pray every day. Several times every day. And I try. I try so hard to pour out my soul. Often my prayers seem empty and repetitious, but there are times when I put my heart into it and I plead\u2014desperately plead\u2014for direction and guidance and enrichment. And nothing.<\/p>\n

Scripture study doesn\u2019t work.<\/strong> I study my scriptures every day. And I don\u2019t just skim them. I delve into the words, looking for meaning and insight. Sometimes I find it, but it all seems superficial. None of it motivating me toward a change of heart to true spirituality.<\/p>\n

Temple attendance doesn\u2019t work.<\/strong> I\u2019ve been back to the temple 3 times since the November 2015 policy change, and each time, it has been negative experiences. My first time back was for an endowment session, and I felt uncomfortable and like an outsider. My second time back was for sealings, and I felt intense promptings to just get up and leave (I didn\u2019t leave.). My most recent time back was for baptisms, and it was less negative than the others, but it lacked even a crumb of spiritual nourishment. Maybe it was prophetic that the last time I attended the temple prior to the policy change I felt like I was saying goodbye.<\/p>\n

So, I sit here sad.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I just listened to a podcast of a friend of mine discussing some of her life in the LDS church. … Continue reading My friends are leaving the church, and it makes me sad<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3263,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[117],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3262","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith-crisis-series"],"yoast_head":"\nMy friends are leaving the church, and it makes me sad<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/2016\/09\/16\/my-friends-are-leaving-the-church-and-it-makes-me-sad\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My friends are leaving the church, and it makes me sad\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I just listened to a podcast of a friend of mine discussing some of her life in the LDS church. …\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/2016\/09\/16\/my-friends-are-leaving-the-church-and-it-makes-me-sad\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Our Thoughts\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-09-16T18:36:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/hallway-1245845_1920.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1920\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1440\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kim Siever\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kim Siever\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/2016\/09\/16\/my-friends-are-leaving-the-church-and-it-makes-me-sad\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/2016\/09\/16\/my-friends-are-leaving-the-church-and-it-makes-me-sad\/\",\"name\":\"My friends are leaving the church, and it makes me sad\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/2016\/09\/16\/my-friends-are-leaving-the-church-and-it-makes-me-sad\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/2016\/09\/16\/my-friends-are-leaving-the-church-and-it-makes-me-sad\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/hallway-1245845_1920.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-09-16T18:36:29+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-09-16T18:36:29+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/#\/schema\/person\/99e996edc89affe5206808d3f65869d1\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/2016\/09\/16\/my-friends-are-leaving-the-church-and-it-makes-me-sad\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/2016\/09\/16\/my-friends-are-leaving-the-church-and-it-makes-me-sad\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/hallway-1245845_1920.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/hallway-1245845_1920.jpg\",\"width\":1920,\"height\":1440},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/\",\"name\":\"Our Thoughts\",\"description\":\"Thought-provoking commentary on life, politics, religion and social issues.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/#\/schema\/person\/99e996edc89affe5206808d3f65869d1\",\"name\":\"Kim Siever\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ourthoughts.ca\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/417c7b5f55d329bdd0f64ef4396831db?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/417c7b5f55d329bdd0f64ef4396831db?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Kim Siever\"},\"description\":\"Queer Mormon poet with radical political views. 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