Gender and sexuality are things we all force upon our children, as society and as parents.
If our child is born with a penis, for example, the doctor tells us it’s a boy. We believe that doctor and raise that child as a boy. We assign him gendered pronouns and give him a gendered name. We envision him growing into a man one day. We dream of him falling in love with a woman and providing us with grandchildren one day.
But we never imagine him being gay. Not until he comes out to us or his behaviour makes us think he’s not straight.
Likewise, we never imagine him as a girl. Not until he comes out to us or his behaviour make us think he’s not cis.
And it’s the same with our daughters. We assume they’re straight and cis.
The doctor never says, “You’re child is neither a boy nor a girl. They’re somewhere in between, or both at the same time.” So we don’t either.
We see queerness as the other. No matter how many rainbow pins we wear or pride parades we attend, we will always see queerness as the exception to—even an abomination of—the norm. If we truly see queerness as normal, then why do we assign cisgender and heterosexual identities to our children by default when they’re born?
It’s why we’re shocked when our children come out to us. Why we cry when they reveal their true selves. Why we question everything we’ve said or done that may have ignorantly worsened their mental health.
Anti queerness is not just a problem found only in churches. Our society, and even our own families, are built on a foundation of homophobia and transphobia.
