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Reverse Sexism or The Fruit of Patriarchy?

I like to go to the Marriage and Family Relations class for Sunday School when it’s available.  (Smaller class, more discussion, interesting topics.)  A few weeks ago in the class we were discussing the divine role of the mother, and I thought I knew what to expect.  Still, I was a little surprised when the conversation headed toward group-sanctioned husband-bashing.  You know, the typical complaints: My husband is incapable of putting the kids to bed on time.  My husband would let the kids starve if I left it up to him.  (“What is it with husbands not feeding kids?!”)  Men just aren’t hardwired to pay attention to household needs like women are; they just don’t care as much.  Men aren’t naturally able to nurture as well as women can.  “I love my husband, but I’m glad he’s not the mom.”

Read the full post and comments at  Feminist Mormon Housewives

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Kim Siever

Queer Mormon poet with radical political views. I have been married 27 years, and we have 6 children. Sunday school president. Served in the Utah Provo Mission.

4 thoughts on “Reverse Sexism or The Fruit of Patriarchy?”

  1. I don’t know the answer to your question but my immediate gut reaction is the fruit of patriarchy.

    Can you imagine if men spoke this way about women. President Hinckley would have to give a talk about such injustice. We always speak about men exercising unrighteous dominion and using persuasion, meekness and love unfeigned.

    Does that apply to the women? Or is the motto Charity never faileth just lip service?

  3. I do not think that the problem is either reverse sexism or the fruit of Patriarchy. The fact is that men, especially LDS men are incompetent in house work because they were never taught how to do it and their fathers don’t do house work, so they don’t have a good example. However, you can give to a little credit to reverse sexism because I think that women can get a little carried away with their frustrations that their husband participates mildly in housework. Then whenever the husband tries, he is only criticized because he does not do as good as a job as his wife expects, he loses motivation. As well, Priesthood holder may get carried away with the idea that their primary role in the family is only as a patriarch, which it is, however, they are fully capable of performing housework as well. We are multifunctional.
    I am a LDS male, return missionary, married with children, and I do not have a problem with doing the dishes, changing diapers, doing laundry, feeding the kids, etc. That is the way I was raised. I have been taught my whole life that if something needs to be done, you learn how to do it and then do it.
    The fact is that we as Mormons spoil our boys. While I was in the MTC my companion put his clothes in the washer followed by a dryer sheet and then turned on the washer. I asked him what he was doing. He said “I’m washing my clothes.” I said, “No you are not.” Long story short, I had had to teach about 5 19-year-old men how to wash, fold, and iron their clothes because they were never taught how to. It got worst once I got worse once I got to the field. I could write a book.
    If we want our men to be more helpful in the home, we need to teach our boys how. We don’t hesitate in teaching our girls how to help with basic housework. Do the same for your boys. He is just as capable of doing the dishes, changing diapers, laundry, etc.
    I am fully capable of doing housework. However, my wife does a much better job of nurturing our family then I would ever do.

  4. I dont know but we have the same situation in talking about making the children go to bed on time. Same with my husband, I dont know why it took him so much time making my children fell asleep. Im thankful with my husband too and also thankful too that he is not a mom. lol Thanks for sharing your thoughts anyway.

    Regards,
    Karen

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