Comments on: Selfishness and Troubled Marriages

By: garry

garry — Tue, 22 May 2007 22:06:32 +0000

oh the things i've learned.

By: Nikki Workman

Nikki Workman — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 23:28:56 +0000

Selfish choices are not always wrong.

By: rick

rick — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 16:25:13 +0000

"However divorce (although needed sometimes) is more negative, whereas marriage is positive."

The question is, just how positive were these marriages destined for divorce?

How much more pain and suffering was borne by the couple by trying to be married?

Divorce can also be a release.

By: George

George — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 22:29:50 +0000

Perhaps your definition is too broad to have useful meaning.

By: ltbugaf

ltbugaf — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 02:22:16 +0000

If it is true that there’s no such thing as an unselfish motive, then how is it possible to follow Christ’s instructions? How can we put off the natural man? There’s nothing to turn to but another form of selfishness.

By: Kim Siever

Kim Siever — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 02:15:46 +0000

I don’t think Rick is all that far off. After all, the natural man is certainly selfish. As such, it is by no means a stretch to imagine that naturally, we have desires for our own welfare and survival.

By: ltbugaf

ltbugaf — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 01:59:06 +0000

Rick, you seem to be saying that every motive is ultimately selfish. If I do something because I care deeply for another person’s happiness, then I am doing it only because it fulfills my own psychic desire to serve that person–hence, I am selfish. If I do something self-sacrificing because I care about honor, then I am doing it only because it fulfills my own desire for feelings of self-respect–hence I am selfish.

I think that’s going too far; it simply converts every motive into a self-serving one.

By: Mary Siever

Mary Siever — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 23:58:35 +0000

"How many times did you say the word â€œIâ€? With that many repetitions, itâ€s obviously about selfishness; YOU canâ€t stand to see your kids unhealthy or insecure. Is that selfish, I would offer that, by definition, it is."

is it selfish to want good things for them? To want them to be happy and healthy and safe?

"Loved offspring flourish and reproduce, and this passes on oneâ€s genes to a greater number of progeny. Tricky, huh?"

WEll, yes. but then I suppose it depends on how you see selfishness. True selfishness which thinks only of oneself without regard for how it affects the other person.

"Mary, your line applies equally to divorces as it does to marriages."

I agree. However divorce (although needed sometimes) is more negative, whereas marriage is positive.

By: rick

rick — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 20:40:59 +0000

"...although it can be self serving too, isnâ€t only this way."

Mary, your line applies equally to divorces as it does to marriages.

"I love to see them happy, I want to keep them safe and I want them to be healthy, for not only themselves but for my own peace of mind and comfort."

How many times did you say the word "I"? With that many repetitions, it's obviously about selfishness; YOU can't stand to see your kids unhealthy or insecure. Is that selfish, I would offer that, by definition, it is.

Also;

Love, whatever that means inside one's head, is an evolutionary construct which allows those who experience it to care for their young and mates better. Although it seems to be altruistic, it is in truth a reciprocated altruism (with a hidden motive) in that the parent has an interest in seeing its' genes continue to propagate.

Loved offspring flourish and reproduce, and this passes on one's genes to a greater number of progeny. Tricky, huh?

By: Mary Siever

Mary Siever — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 18:07:04 +0000

Rick
But selfishness means thinking ONLY of oneself, whereas a marriage, although it can be self serving too, isn’t only this way.

You can look at every action as selfish if you use such a broad definition, but to look at it purely, that will limit certain actions.

For example, as a parent, I do things for my children to make them happy and healthy and secure, but I also do it for me. I love to see them happy, I want to keep them safe and I want them to be healthy, for not only themselves but for my own peace of mind and comfort.