Death, Love, Marriage

Death and love

Is it a good thing to love someone so much that when s/he dies before you, you become depressed and have an emotional breakdown?

Published by

Kim Siever

Queer Mormon poet with radical political views. I have been married 27 years, and we have 6 children. Sunday school president. Served in the Utah Provo Mission.

8 thoughts on “Death and love”

  1. Well I don’t think it is a GOOD thing to have a breakdown. To mourn them? Yes, and obviously it isn’t something you get over easily or soon, and you will always miss them.

  2. I think everyone processes grief differently, and one of the worst things a person could do to another is to judge them on how they react.

    Matthew 7:1

  3. Rick

    I don’t think Kim means this question to be perceived in a judgemental way (or permission to do so), but rather, is it a good thing for the person him/herself? Am I right, Kim?

  4. That’s what I am asking. I am not asking whether it’s good to become depressed and have an emotional breakdown. I am asking if it’s a good thing to love someone so much that you end up depressed and having an emotional breakdown if s/he dies.

    Nor am I saying that having an emotional breakdown or becoming depressed is the only way to indicate how much someone loves someone else.

  5. I think it is a good thing to love a person so much, but to become depressed in such a way is not a good thing for the person, and isn’t necessarily a reflection of that love. There is great love, but when that love is coupled with understanding of the Plan of Salvation then there is also peace and tranquility. Well, eventually.

  6. I have not experienced a wife dying but I have experienced a love and eternal marriage dying.

    My first wife decided the Church was not true and there was not reason to keep marriage vows. When I finally faced the reality that it was over, I spent over a week crying. I guess you could say I had a break down. I really thought I could not endure the pain.

    I know a man who lost a wife to death and one to divorce. He said death was easier since it was final.

    For me, when I came out of the pain, I found a renewed energy for life and a desire to live again.

    Do not cut short the blessing of someone who grieves and goes through the healing process of releasing the one they love. Until you have been there, it will seem strange.

    All of us most go through this process unless we are the first one to go.

  7. hmm that’s a good question Kim… on one hand it can mean a real true love where two people existed as one whole.. on the other hand if the person alive depended on the person that died for their own life then its not a good thing.

    For some women their husbands are their entire world. They do not do anything without checking with the husband. They do not have any say (and not necessarily in a bad way) over their finances or life/family goals.

    Then when the spouse dies the person can be left emotionally mentally spiritually drained and can very likely go through a breakdown. Some women feel their role in life is to take care of their husbands every need with no thought of their own. Then the husband dies and they haven’t a clue on how to take care of themselves.

  8. I suspect that an emotional breakdown, absent a physical problem, comes from not allowing oneself to feel and be honest with their emotions. Its ok to feel ANY way you feel after the death of a close one; to want to stay in bed; to not eat; to not want to be around people trying to tell you what to do or feel or how you should act -(now that’s what causes breakdowns). Its ok to cry or to laugh. Its ok to have good days and bad days. ITS OK to feel strong emotions and feelings, it validates the your loved one’s impact on your life. If they didn’t matter, it wouldn’t hurt.
    To ignore love and loss, thats whats wrong. To deny the pain of death and act like everything is OK, is only going to risk greater emotionl problems.
    Feel the pain. Cry in the car to a favorite song. Take a walk in the woods or on the beach and scream … its OK. IGNORE the family and friends, the boss or the church members that tell you how to feel, that yo need ot be strong, etc.
    Any coward can run from emotion and feelings, or let someone else control them, but a true man or woman of God will share that emotion and the shall be comforted.
    Allow yourself to feel the memories, to cry, to mourn.
    Loss hurts! and thats OK.
    Not feeling the emotions, now that causes breakdowns, not the depth of ones love.

Comments are closed.