Anyhow, Rick, I read somewhere that there is a difference between caving in to your kid and simply changing your mind for a brilliant negotiater. In other words, if my kid whines or has a tantrum I become very rigid about them doing as I say, whereas if they calmly present their reasoning as to why they should not have to obey, there is a possibility, depending on the situation, that I might change my mind. I guess that as long as the kid realizes you are not always rigid about everything, it still leaves a door open for critical thinking and questioning. I think this is OK as long as you are choosy(and as fair as possible) about the things you firmly declare as truly non-negotiable.

Of course, this requires a lot more hassle for the parents at times, and sometimes when your tired it’s all too easy to go with the “because I said so” reasoning. Also, there are just some reasons for rules that a kid just can’t yet comprehend. I suppose it isn’t too damaging as long as we revert to this obey-because-I-say-so form of “tyranny” only once-in-a-while.

It’s important that obedience doesn’t become about control. Obedience is for teaching and protecting.

Obedience also needs to be based on trust. That’s a big help when the kids get older. If they trust that you have their best interests at heart – that you aren’t just trying to control them, but trying to help them to be happy, they are going to be more likely to obey.

Tone of voice is also huge. Both of the kids I still have at home (though the older one is only home occasionally) are pretty good about helping out and doing what I ask, because I ASK. I have heard so many parents bark at their kids, and order them to do things, and the kids are sulky and resentful because they aren’t being treated respectfully.

Of course, some kids, there’s just nothing you can do…

In society we do things because society as a whole has determined that we’re better off following a set of rules.

It’s exactly the same with the family contract. Every family member has rights and responsibilities which must be followed. The sooner children understand the concept of a social contract, the better.

Last night, my daughter comes running into the living room. She wants to show me something in her bed room.

We go upstairs and into her room, It’s spotless. Clothes put away, bed made, and a huge, beaming smile on her face!

She got a big hug from me and the dog slept with her last night.

Perhaps if I was a tyrant all the time, she might think of how mean I am, but I think that if you have a good relationship with your children, and you are consistent and fair in your approach to discipline, you can enforce family rules without all of the negative side affects.

Paradoxically, it is also a key to becoming more like God. God uses and obeys natural laws and as I understand it, this obedience leads to greater light, knowledge and power.