The comments in a post over at By Common Consent brought an interesting question to mind. Is it better for a father to work two jobs and rarely see his family, or is it better for the mother and father to each have a job?
[Assuming of course, there was actually a need for this much labour to be performed, but that’s not really the point of the question.]
It depends on what you value more: time together or Mom at home.
I think Dad’s have a lot to offer to a family when they’re present, but that is just a preference.
Welcome to Our Thoughts, Ann. I really enjoyed your interview on the Mormon Stories podcast.
Thanks for the comments.
Thanks for the kind words, Kim.
I’ve been peeking at this blog occasionally for some time. Your topic got my attention enough to comment.
One of the things that interests me about this is that it’s a young person’s concern. There is really a very narrow window of a person’s life where child-rearing is a dominant family activity. Maybe it comes from my background, where the kids grow up and leave and we all get along fine but we aren’t in each other’s lives much. But all the kids were gone by the time my parents were in their early 40’s, and if you haven’t had much time to nurture a relationship with your spouse – the person you’re going to be with for eternity – then what are you going to talk about for the next forty years?
And once you’re in your mid-40’s and the kids are gone, the issue is moot.
We have found that life tweaking and finding a balance that works for your family is healthier for us than stressing about fitting into the “father working, mother at home” overnight. If one believes that’s what the Lord wants for their family then one should work towards it, but don’t lose sleep over it.
Living in remote communities for the last several years has allowed us bigger paycheques, 2 minute commutes, and lots of family time. But alas, we are moving back to the big city and $1000 rents, but we trying to maintain the lifestyle of having flexible work schedules, walking commutes, chore sharing and lots of family time.
To answer the question, I believe that both parents should spend alot of time with each other and their children, If the father’s employment is preventing him from seeing his family, then there’s probably other essential areas of his life that may be suffering as well. The couple should work together to come up with other scenarios which could include, career change, relocation, wife seeking employment, etc.
My husband works and travels constantly. He’s gone so much that a rumor went through the school that I was a minor wife in a polygamous situation.
He wouldn’t have it any other way. He wants to do what he wants to do. Since it’s our marriage and family, not some representative marriage, we have to do what works for us. And he wants to work.
If it weren’t the case that he wants to work all the time, I say the situation is one to be avoided. I think it would be much better if we were both worked reasonable hours and had real family time evening and weekends.
When my children were young, we did the tag-team shifts thing.
I worked from 8-5 and my wife worked from 6-…
It seemed to work well, I got to be the bed and bathtime guy – a role which I performed with pinache and flair I might add – an mom got to be mom all through the day.
Not always possible, but it worked for us. Weekends were for us as a whole family or as a couple. Not at all bad, IMO.