After a rather long discussion with some friends, I thought I’d start a litle straw-poll with the posters here.
What, in your opinion, is the perfect age for an LDS woman to be married?
Just curious.
The perfect age for a woman to be married
31 thoughts on “The perfect age for a woman to be married”
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The perfect age is when she is mature enough to handle the realities of marriage and when she’s found the right man, prayed and had it confirmed to her.
Really, marriage age is such an arbitrary thing it’s hard to pin things down. And the age keeps going up! I was at a family function today and my in-laws were expressing surprise that someone they knew was engaged at the age of 23!
When I was young I decided that the “perfect” age was 25 and, purely by chance, was married shortly after my 26th birthday. The downside to that though is with the time we’re taking to get re-trained (long story) and settled, I’m getting antsy about having children. I’m already older than I would like to be for starting.
So there is no true perfect age. It depends on how capable you and are partner are to take care of yourselves. On the other hand, anything earlier than 20 I would find a tad worrisome.
Since a gal’s 20s are prime time for child bearing, I’ll say 19-20 if the right guy is available. Youthful marriage affords many the luxury of spacing a large family too. But obviously, we’re not mass produced goods, so there are many exceptions.
Since it’s obvious from the start that the question of proper marrying age is an individual matter and that there can’t be such a thing as an “an LDS woman to be married,” I don’t see the point of asking the question you already know can’t be answered.
The right age is between the woman and the Lord. Some are ready younger, some are not. Some are smarter younger, some are not. But it’s individual anyway.
ltbugaf, what’s wrong with asking the question? It promotes discussion, which was the point of it, right?
senior year of college.
Hmm – LDS women that have a temple marriage at under age 21 seem to have a higher divorce rate that those that marry at over age 21.
The younger you marry the more years you have child bearing, but the less maturity you have for figuring out how to nurture a new relationship and family.
Would better question be at what is the best age for her husband to get married at?
Sheesh–one little typo and my entire meaning goes out the window. #3 should have read, “…can’t be such thing as an ‘ideal age for an LDS woman to be married,’ I don’t see…”
If this question can’t be answered, how do you explain the previous comments?
They look like answers to me.
OK, here’s my answer: Orange.
It’s just as valid as the others.
I was married at 19. I’m now 25, with 3 children. I think I married too young, however I am still very happily married, to my best friend. I wish we’d had more time to get to know each other before the babies came, but we’ve learned a lot over the past 6 years, and we love each other even more now.
I think that any age can make a marraige work. It depends on the people, and our choices. I think many people don’t thing you need to work hard on a marraige – and until you do, that’s when things can get really rocky.
I vote for the answer “ORANGE”. Itbugaf’s answer is just about right.
Are women suddenly so easily defined? The answer to that is: Not even in the LDS church is there a correct answer to this question.
“Are women suddenly so easily defined?”
This was precisely my question when I was told (several times) *exactly* what age women should be married by…
I was just wondering if it was a localized phenomenon (in my area), or if it was widespread.
I’ve noticed a slightly higher rate of men come up with a specific age, or age range, but it’s equally noticible in the female population I’ve questioned as well.
Ah but you know if men are coming up with specific ages it’s because of their own insecurities over the issue. I want to know why men are trying to figure out what a perfect age for a WOMAN is to get married, and why they don’t just focus on what’s good for them.
It’s all about reproduction and reproduction is a big deal. Hence, age is important and the window of opportunity differs between men and women. Even assuming normal fertility, if a gal waits till 30, she’s taking a chance. Men are instinctively attracted to younger women for this reason.
On the other side of the coin, I think most of us are instinctively creeped out by the guy over 50 with a 16 year old gal because what at the odds he’ll be around to raise the kids to adulthood? Such a man is obviously just using the young gal for sexual gratification alone, and we are thus grossed out by such a pig.
“This was precisely my question when I was told (several times) *exactly* what age women should be married by…”
In other words, you asked the question as a trap, and were being cynically dishonest when you claimed to be “just curious.”
(Yet you still got pissy with everyone who gave what you knew to be the correct answer—that there isn’t an ideal age. What a charming fellow :( .)
“It’s all about reproduction and reproduction is a big deal. Hence, age is important and the window of opportunity differs between men and women. Even assuming normal fertility, if a gal waits till 30, she’s taking a chance. Men are instinctively attracted to younger women for this reason.”
Well, fertility is lasting longer these days.
And most women DON’T wait until 30 or what have you but because of short sighted men, who go for looks and slimness alone.
Then there are people who have fertility issues. My first was born when I was 28, my second when I was 30, my third when I was 34.5. I fully intend on having children into my 40s. Not because I chose it that way, but because the Lord did. I am not the only person to have this choice taken away.
I don’t think men are instinctively attracted to women because of fertility, but rather to stroke their ego (they think they are actually younger than they are).
Reproduction is a big deal, but I am SO glad I wasn’t 20 when my first was born. I am a much better mother than I would have done. I am not saying, however, that younger mothers are worse, they aren’t. My mum was 21 when she had me, my mother in law was 17 when she had Kim, and they were (are) wonderful mothers. But being younger doesn’t gaurantee better parenthood, and women who are in their thirties or even forties when they have children are generally more health concious and aware, than their younger counterparts.
But let’s ask the question, what is a good age for a man to get married?
ltbugaf:
The question was not a trap. I was looking to see if I’d see a similar pattern in the answers, when compared to my previous conversations.
…and I was just curious.
I certainly didn’t get ‘pissy’ with anyone, perhaps you missed your meds and got this thread confused with some other…
Mary:
“I fully intend on having children into my 40s.”
Has Kim been made aware of this intent? :P
Are you looking forward to attending your youngest’s graduation when you’re in your sixties?
For me, I can hardly wait until I have the free time to do with as I please, when I’m still *capable* of doing some things that please me. :)
Regarding :”what is a good age for a man to get married?”
I think the ideal age is when he is capable of sustaining an adult realtionship. Bit of a shifting scale there, but I’d say the earliest would be sometime in college (or tradeschool, wouldn’t want to be an eliteist).
Rick
Yes, he feels the same way. I am looking forward to being a mother of many, as I have been promised. I am not planning on, nor will I be a decrepit grandmother. My grandma was 46 when she had her last child. She is now a healthy, active woman of 92 who didn’t miss a day of her youngest daughter’s life (well except when she was away at school) and who is still an active grandmother to this daughter’s (my mum’s younger sister)3 girls, 2 of which are teenagers.
What pleases me most is being a mother.
I should clarify something. I am currently 35 years old. Through no choice of my own, I have had limited fertility. We were married when I was 24, we became pregnant (trying from the beginning) 10 months later. We miscarried that baby. It took two more years to become pregnant again. After she was born we concieved Regan when Sinéad was 18 months old. We never tried NOT to get pregnant. Ever. Aisling was conceived in January of 2005, when Regan was a few months short of 4. Having PCOS I don’t get pregnant easily. So I take what I can get.
This information may explain both of our views on children; my first was a surprise. My wife and I are extremely fertile, and perhaps this explains why I just take for granted the fact that I *could* have more children if I choose to. I *could* therefore I do not want for it.
Whereas Mary, who wanted children but possessed “limited fertility” was unable to conceive at will, and now will take as many as she can get by her forties (liberties taken for dramatic affect, Mary :) ).
It’s almost the ‘curly haired people want straight hair and straight haired people get perms’ argument, isn’t it?
:)
Well, maybe the same argument, but not really. I have always wanted a large family since I was a little girl. I have always wanted to be a mother to many children, even before I knew fertility would be an issue. Don’t ask me why, you think I would have learned my lesson since I am the eldest of 7 children. But no, I have always had the desire to be the mother of many. So age isn’t really an issue for me, nor ever has been.
I have dated many women in their late 20’s and early 30’s. I feel bad for women who are trying to start long-term relationships in this age range. The baggage that they carry makes dating much harder. I’m all for having fun and enjoying the single life. But ladies, try to be married by 27. You’ll thank me!
Todd
Don’t blame the women if they aren’t married by 27. And there really is no magic age. Women should not just get married because they “should” be married. Men carry a lot og baggage as they get older too. Women don’t have the monopoly on that.
Steve Em said: “On the other side of the coin, I think most of us are instinctively creeped out by the guy over 50 with a 16 year old gal because what at the odds he’ll be around to raise the kids to adulthood? Such a man is obviously just using the young gal for sexual gratification alone, and we are thus grossed out by such a pig.”
How many 50 year old men do you know with 16 year old girls besides Hugh Hefner and he only dates girls in their 20’s.
Mary Siever said: “I should clarify something. I am currently 35 years old. Through no choice of my own”
I thought it was funny.
It seems all the comments are about having children. You can become a parent starting around age 12 if having children is the reson to get married. I think the better answer to the question would be at what age do men and women matured enough to become the best marriage partner they can become.
George
Why would you think that is funny?
You took my comments out of context. I said, “through no choice of my own I have had limited fertility.” Having limited fertility is not something I find funny at all.
Becoming a parent is one of the reasons to get married. Not the only one. Becoming the best marriage partner you can be, is a work in progress. It isn’t something that happens right when you get married, but is something that grows as time goes on. The key is patience, diligence, and including the Saviour in your marriage.
Mary wrote “I am currently 35 years old. Through no choice of my own”. I thought the part about through no choice of your own that you are 35 was/is funny. Nothing about having babies.
Do you believe that having babies is a reason to get married? If a couple does not have children, then they should not get married?
Why is the discussions about when a woman marries based on her ability to have children? What about love, commitment, etc?
If you read it, you will see that there is a period between those sentences. You were not reading it in context. “Through no choice of my own” was starting a complete other sentence. So again, I don’t see the humour in that.
I believe having children is , as I ALREADY said, ONE reason. Not the only reason, of course. Obviously love and commitment. I would have thought that goes without saying. Good grief.
Ther is no perfect age for getting married. marriage only works if the two people involved are matured and willing to understand each other and be fair to each other. The perfect time for both a man and a woman to get married is when they are willing to give thier all to the other person and be honest and truthful in all circumstances
there’s no perfect age to get married for both genders…it differs..it’s all about expectations.
I don’t think men are instinctively attracted to women because of fertility, but rather to stroke their ego (they think they are actually younger than they are).