My point in the post wasn’t that young brides aren’t prepared. My point is that if an 18-year-old single woman not issued a recommend because her bishop does not consider her spiritually ready for the temple, then how can a 18-year-old bride be ready? Or conversely, if an 18-year-old bride is ready, why isn’t a single 8-year-old woman ready?

My argument is that going through the temple is a protective [measure] for missionaries and for a young bride.

If that is true, shouldn’t all adults receive the same protection?

try to be supportive of these young girls who are trying to follow what they’ve been taught the best they can.

My issue isn’t with the girls. The issue is with the policy/practise.

You’re arguing for the use of the temple ceremony as a prophylactic? Don’t worry about if you understand it. You need it. You should have it. Don’t sweat the small stuff – just get it so you’re prepared?

This is dangerous thinking in my opinion.

I am a convert to the church, joined in my mid 20’s and then spent the first year and a half as a member getting ready to go to the temple. The decision to receive my endowment was a very serious one and I tried to prepare myself as much as possible for it. I remember being shocked and offended when I was first told to wait to attend the temple because my bishop wasn’t sure that I was ready. Then, when I was told by other members, including a former bishop and stake presidency member that single women, especially converts if I recall correctly, were discouraged from receiving their endowment until marriage I was even more shocked. The reasoning was that because I was not as likely, I guess given my age and status as an “older” woman convert, to marry in the temple my potentially non-member husband may have issues with my temple covenants and the temple clothing I would wear throughout my life.

I can tell you that all of this deeply wounded and offended me and almost derailed me spiritually. I prayed a lot though, read a lot and took the temple prep class to overcome these feelings.

Later, in a singles ward, my bishop and stake president were committed to ensuring that every single member was not only temple worthy, but where possible also holders of current temple recommends. My bishop worked with me kindly and diligently to get me ready spiritually. Even my temple recommend interviews did much to prepare me. I gained my testimony then of righteous church leaders and how important it is to follow their counsel.

If I had gone to the temple when I first wanted to go, as my bishop in the family ward called it, I would not have been ready. I think I still would have attended the temple as regularly as I do now and I still would have been sealed, but I don’t think the temple would have become such a source of spiritual strength for me as quickly if I had gone so soon.

Also, my first experience was amazing. Yes, I did fall asleep, and yes it was very different than what I expected. I was not, however, freaked out by it and I think if I had gone for the first time when I was married, I would have seen it as the two hours waiting to be sealed. A sad, in my opinion, way to go through one’s own endowment.

I am concerned that young women are mostly taught how to be homemakers and baby caretakers in the YW program. I think that these are important attributes of parents, not just mothers, but that the best preparation for parenthood and marriage is to be spiritually endowed with power and to have a good secular education. Of course we can’t always get these things before marriage, but I think we can encourage and support each other in trying to obtain these and certainly instill this notion in young church members.

From what I can tell, it seems that in the church many leaders look at girls who get married early and start their families as fulfilling their womanly roles and duties to our Father in Heaven. This desire to be a traditional mother and wife is used as the litmus test of their spirituality. In my opinion, that really discounts what it means to learn of faith, charity and the Atonement and sets a girl up for a lifetime of spiritual underachieving.

Of course, many young girls want to get married, just as many young RMs want to have sex when they get home. Does this mean that either of these groups are ready for much more of anything than a few more years of learning to grow up and bridle their passions? No! I think that youthful passions are no substitute for spiritual maturity and we shouldn’t, bishops shouldn’t, mistake the two.

Yes, many people, including some who commented on this blog, were prepared for marriage as young as 17 or 20. I think though that the majority of people are not. I certainly wasn’t. And we can’t substitute the serious endowment covenants for life experience, spiritual growth through life experience study in the scriptures, and communion with our Father in Heaven over a period of years. That is to say, I think we should be prepared for those covenants we make in the temple, not hope that by making them they prepare us for keeping them. Just like raising the bar for missionaries, I think we should raise the bar for receiving an endowment while allowing the largest number of members to hold current recommends…more on this later.

Personally, I don’t want my children to go the temple until they are prepared, until they can honestly look at a bishop and work WITH him to determine their spiritual preparation. Marriage and the sealing ordinance are the highest levels of the covenants that we make in this tabernacle of clay, we should be as prepared for them as possible. The endowment with its crowning ordinance of the sealing and its preparatory ordinances of the washing and anointing are essential to our exaltation. We all know this, and yet, so many of these young girls run like lemmings off a cliff to get married in the temple, not as Pres. Canon lamented, to receive the most amazing blessing that we can get in this lifetime.

I don’t think however, that we should set the bar so high, or talk of the temple in such lofty terms to young women that they feel they can never attain the spiritual preparation needed for a recommend. But we should set their course and their sights on the highest level of spiritual preparation possible.

Sadly, I know a guy who once thought that I had to give back my temple recommend and stop wearing my temple clothes because I forgot to fast one fast Sunday. How sad! This guy was raised in the church, yet he knew so little about the temple and being worthy to go there. He is inactive and given his comment, I can see how such inadequate preparation may have contributed to the fact that he lost out on this amazing blessing.

Another person was married in the temple and then divorced. When I asked her why she stopped wearing her temple clothes and attending church regularly, she said that she just didn’t get it, she just didn’t understand the temple. Her parents attend the temple regularly and are strong active members. I suspect though, that her parents and young women leaders had only taught her of the importance of temple marriage in terms of preparing to be a mother and wife in the very narrow terms of keeping a house clean and bearing children, but they never actually prepared her for what happens in the temple and why. Most importantly, they seemed not to focus as much attention on helping her to develop her own solid relationship with our Father in Heaven and for receiving revelation through the Holy Ghost. Given this lack of preparation, of course she stopped attending the temple, of course she struggled in her temple marriage!!!

I love my temple recommend and I want to live worthily to keep it and to go to the temple regularly. I make mistakes daily, but the temple strengthens me the more I attend. I had to go to the temple when I did and I was told that in no uncertain terms when I was prepared sufficiently to go. Also, when I was prepared spiritually to go, not perfected, the Lord knew it, my bishop knew it, and my stake president knew it. Moreover, I knew and it was the best decision I made. I can’t say that I know very many 17 year-old or 20 year-old girls who seem to have that sense of knowing. It is possible to find them, but I just think there’s something that age and life experience brings to spiritual preparation for most of us–not all of us, but most of us.

Anyway, that was my response to this intense blog thread. It’s something I think about a lot, and I hope that more emphasis will be made on preparing our young women for more than just keeping the house clean and getting their wedding colors picked out when it comes to talking about the temple. I don’t know if I will ever be called as a young women leader, but if any of you are reading this, please think about ways that you can help the youth be all that they can be spiritually. Part of their preparation is up to you!

A.

There really is no way of test a persons spirituality. A bishop can feel inspired one way or another,but it is still a matter of choice for the person being endowed, and they are the ones who will have to account for it. All we can do is help the person, and be there to answer the questions they may have.

K.